My Life in Simple Words
My account as I journey through Life
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Thursday, July 08, 2004

I have just being doing something so wrong that my hands are just shaking. I don't know why I was doing it, knowing how sorry and guilty I will be after this. The effects will be there for a long time and still enough I went on ahead to do it, even after the spirit warned me not too.

This has been happening so very often and just when am at the blink of implementing changes in my life or I feel God is about to do something new in my life.

I really thought this was over! Funny enough this thing was triggered by giddy (every reason to but him away). This really makes me feel angry about myself especially when I consider that this morning I was feeling all excited for the Lord and willing to be all good (its true that all of this is just but works)

Whenever this happens I always end up feeling am back to the wilderness I was in and I have to start all over again. Even nowadays am afraid of making any promises to both myself and God that I will change, but then go back again and do the same same thing I promised not to do.

I don't know whether God is tired of all the excuses and promises I have made. I can't even imagine I have come this far into sin, Its true when one guy once said that "sin will take you further than you want to go and It will make you pay more than you are will to pay".

My biggest prayer right now is that God will not grow tired of my confession and repetance, even with the knowledge at the back of my mind that am so weak and the chances of me falling again are still there (God am so sorry).

There was a day I really felt as if God had just given up on me, but the greatest thing I heard is that its us who give up on God and not the other way round.

But in all of this I have come to identify my weaknesses and flaws. But instead of avoiding those areas I have gone into them headon and in the end I come out all scratched and bruised.

Am tired of all this, and my only solution right now is but God.

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