My Life in Simple Words
My account as I journey through Life
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Monday, August 30, 2004

So where were we

It really feels nice to be able to update this blog after all that has been happening. One of which was my internet conncetion, which for reasons beyond my understanding; seems to have gone on 'slow mode' and even at time on an 'unappreciated leave'. But today its somehow trying to pick up, so I hope by the end of today it will be up and running as before, so I can go back to full blogging.

I can't seem to find the best place to begin my blog today, for there is so much that I need to say, but I find that I don't have the exact/'right' words to begin it all. And just when I seem to have gotten the inspiration to do so, I end up getting interrupted, which takes me bck to square one. At time I don't even have the mood or strength to even open thew blog itself.

Talking of blogs I finally got the reply from the blogger guys that I have been selected to start using absense, but last night I was thinking about it and wondering whether I should go ahead with it. Its not about the money if you ask me, but out of curiosity that I did it. To see whether this guys are serious and whether something 'profitable' can come out of this blogging, for I seem to spend so much time and effort on this blog and blogging in general than most things I do (yes even reading the bible...which is a shameful thing to admit). Am yet to put the code they sent me and do some few changes here and there, and in no time, I will be doing commercial adverts and open to public eyes ans scrutiny all because of trying new stuff. I wonder what my blog would say if it was asked to comment about this......

The weekend was to some extent different than the normal ones but not exciting. I wasn't even looking forward to anything this weekend considering I had made up my mind not to go to DC, but at the back of my mind I had this anxious feeling which resulted from the fact that I knew I was to go for BLINK and I would have to meet thecrew, and thesinger in particular. Well got to church in time for the sermon, rockdude was preaching, but since this was his last sunday there he took the opportunity to give us a little history of the church (if only he knew that I had seen it all unfolding before my eyes and I was too afraid to be part of it from the beginning), I have to admitt that I will miss him even though He didn't even know me.

After the service I had to go to DS, in order to deposit my tithe, and you won't believe who I met there; all the guys from wace (its like if they told to come), this mean't I had to stay abit for I wanted to go back for BLINK and see some guys make a fool out of themselves, which in turn would give me some confidence, that I wasn't the only one in there suffering from selfesteem syndrome. I ended up talking to preacherboy, wonderkid (jeff), salesman, kiiru (confort) and so many other guys who I can't even recall. But the highlight of it all, was meeting judy and her kid and seeing something in her eyes that tried to speak out but I couldn't really understand or put a finger onto (whatever men!. Salesman pretend he wanted he had more important pple to talk to than me, so I let go and focussed my attention to confort who really I had missed especially the talk we have (I seem to confide alot when around him/her). Finally I asked for a lift from uncleP (I know I promised not to but I had to get to blink on time).

Honestly I can't say I got what I was expecting at BLINK but its was worth it that having to spend your time with a bunch of pple who seem to remember you at there own time or when they see you. But drop you like shit when they see other pple who they admire more thean you. I ended up feeling so out of place and lonely in the meeting and during the photo sessions, especially when I imagine all this couldn't be so If I had come here early or made my mark when things were still raw. But I see God bringing me here for a reason and I don't want my fears or self inadeuacy be determined by the way I think the crew is treating me. Next sunday I will be signing the offical form to make me an offical member of the church and it will be an opportunity to start afresh and make something meaningful out of my life and for God.

Later I decided to go and spend time with my nieces and nephews and I really felt better after that, especially seeing the younger one and how she looks up to me. I sometimes feel like crying when I know how much I want what best for them, and pray that there lives will not get entangled the way my has, and this really makes me want to work hard and make there lives better regardless of the fact that they aren't my kids.

In the evening went to see mike (had to considering youknowwho had decided to go out), and later sudi's daddy and I got to see a side of that man that really amazed me and want to associate and learn from him even more.

I can't say I understand what all these thats happening will result too, but I know its up to me to trust God and ask Him to direct my paths.

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