MY CHRONICLES

Am trying to figure out where to start since I have so much I want to write about but at the same time I don't want to start dotting (something I have discovered I tend to do when am bored.) So I have decided to break my thoughts and wordlings (I have no idea where that came from but it somehow serves the purpose) into paragraphs so here we go:

WEEKEND
On saturday I left the office around 8.00pm after doing something horrible and the very same thing I have been trying to avoid (its funny but am seeing myself headed there today) and force myself to stop doing. I didn't finish all that I had set out to do that day (which also included watching movies) but I did get to swim and enjoy the pool all by myself. I later passed by mick's place where I spent some few minutes then went home where I met and empty house.

Come sunday went to church, got myself registered as an official church member (don't ask me more about thi, since its a shame what I did in order to get the forms) and as we speak am an official Hope church member (Did I hear and applause). On top of that There was a baptism during the morning service for guys who wanted to join but hadn't been baptisted by immersion (that's another topic for another day) and one of them was miss.outgoing (this is a new character who the way I see it will be part of our lives and blogfrom anytime now). I later attended blink and trust me it was nice and you won't believe who sat next to me and told me they wanted some of my poems to convert to a song.........THESINGER!and to tell you the truth I have never felt any better, not about the music thing but just being around them (I think am saying too much, on top of that they even asked me for my email address.......

But I can't say am excited about all this since I have seen this happen to me before (the likes of theartist to mention but a few) and the last thing in my mind right now is to have history repeating itself and getting all worked up at the end trying to regain my balance and time again when I finally realize that things aren't going to work out.

And my intentions of going there wasn't to start trying to impress pple or make them accept and love me, since that didn't get me anywhere in all the places I went to and the pple I met. This was my time to get right with God and get back to the path to recovery and submit my life fully to God's will and desire upon my life. But I see my self being distracted by the pursuits and the pleasure of the body and of the world and in turn lossing my focus of what God has in store for me in that place. If things don't change (actually if I don't see my self changing) then I will be forced to withdraw for I don't want a repeat of what had happened and the fakeness that has existed. For I feel this is a new opportunity God has given me and I really want to change this time.

I have decided to join the drama group as one way of service to the church and my deepest and sincere prayer is that God will use me there in any capacity he wants me to and I pray that I will not try to look unto what I can do but what He can do through me and what He wants done. So I just surrender everything to Him and ask Him to direct my steps.

SUNDAY AFTERNOON
After blink I passed by mick's place, then later went home where I found aunty, was all smiles but inside I mortal man reminding me of what I have gone thorough because of her and how she treated me. I didn't stay, I decided to go and see my niece and nephews who I had really missed. met there parents at home and really felt uneasy and had to force my self to sit outside. But at the end of the day, I had a nice time with them even though it wasn't what I had wanted.

TODAY
Heavy traffic in the morning, which got me late for work, but I wonder whether robert so me snicking through. Hope this week will be great and a blessing.