My Life in Simple Words
My account as I journey through Life
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Thursday, September 02, 2004

My Today's Torments

I have suddenly acquired a distaste for bureauguy and smartkid and all I want to do now is get rid of them and just forget about them and move on. All this started yesterday when I noticed that bureauguy considers me a threat (actually he used the word challenge) on top of that He thinks that I think little of him (sounds like shrek) and I think I know more than him (I didn't see this coming), this in turn triggered a lot of emotions which lead me to want to hit back since he had no right to say such things about me for he has no clue about me or my attitude towards him.

First of all I don't know what made him think that am after him or I am intimidated by him in any way. For the person I have seen making a fool out of himself is none other than him. He is always trying to see and know what am doing, the sites I visit the software am using, how many mails do I have and recently he came to tell me how he had registered for blogger (can you imagine that!). Am sorry to admitt that I took this opportunity to make him feel as if he can never reache where I am; but last night and this morning I thought about it and discovered that the person who is losig is none other than me, I end up bottling up so much resentment and anger inside which seems to be affecting my co-ordination nowadays.

Secondly I don't know what give him the slightest idea that I consider him as competition, for if I need competition I damn well know where to go to and come to think of it, I have enough already in my life to get entangled or force my self into another one. I don't think I will show or demonstrate any hard feelings towards him, actually it will be the other way round, since of late I have decided not to let my emotions control me (ruled by the body), other pple's attitude dictate how I leave, how I feel about my self and how I treat them but in turn to let what God tells me (ruled by the spirit) be the thing that I do.

As for smartkid I really can't explain it, for I too am in the dark about this. But I guess its the fact that he is a continue reminder of the things I didn't do and the things I could have wanted but still don't have. And he gives me this feeling that he is using me to get what he wants and after that just forget about me (this was proven when his friends come around). But whats annoying me is that this is someone who is so young and I can't believe they are dictating my feelings (damn its annoying). I don't know what brought him in my life the first place and I don't know how he has managed to move it this first.

Am yet to see, or know what to do with the two cases, but I don't want it to be like what happened with theartist and muscian (met the muscian yesterday, told me how concerned they were about me to the extent of writingv me mail, but when I inquired about the mail thing I discovered they had used the wrong address). I just want a simple break from them and just forget they existed but have no hard feelings or guilt left inside.

Youknowwho told me that grace is still having probelms and her inlaws want her to send her away. This really spoit my morning and made me feeling like crying. Am afraid to ask what she have done to warrant here dismisal from the family considering that she has the kids and she is so hardworking. Even writing about this just makes me mad and feel sick to my stomach. This matter has made youknowwho so worried that she looks even different to me.

I have agreed to go ahead with the signing the magna carter, and just moving on and forgeting about DC. The main reason being I need a change in my spiritual life and something that will propel that growth, am sorry to say that DC lacks that and I think I have gotten so used to being there and this has lead to contempt, which is the last thing I wanted to acquire from there. The challenges I see in hope will provide the best enviroment, even though I still feel this is too soon and feel I don't belong there, I have to understand am not going there because of the pple or who I will met, but because I want to met God (not that I can't met Him else where) but Its a high time I practiced my faith and what He has laid in my heart.

So I think I have shared my thoughts well today, let me go to work now.

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