My Life in Simple Words
My account as I journey through Life
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Friday, September 10, 2004


Today I don't know where to begin this blog since I don't have much to say, and that which can be said isn't worth the effort. But since I have to write something even though its meaningless let me just go ahead and do it.

Its funny that I started this blog so that it can act as a platform onto which I expressed by deepest secrets and say things I couldn't get my self to say to anyone else but me, myself and I. I also thought it would act as my confessional booth were I can come and just confess all the bad things I have done, not get reminded of the bad person I am already or what punishment was in store for me but be given the chance to confess and move on after that, but so far that hasn't been the case and I wonder whether that will be forthcoming.

My aim was also to find a place where I could complain, voice my disappointments, talk to my self and the inner man, argue with my self and atleast try to justify and prove myself to be right even if it was for a while; not I expected (and I still don't) anyone to offer any assistance or listen to what I had to say, but at the end of the day, I got to say what was on my mind and my side of the story was also heard.

At the end of the day, I wanted a place a could look forward to go to and know I will be accepted and what I had to say will be heard, and treated with respect. And honestly my blog has provided just that. Even though I haven't been able to have all the freedom I wanted to express my self and say what I want, I have had the opportunity of realizing and knowing a part of me that even I didn't know existed.

There is still more of me I need to share before the stuff decides to share me, but with my blog begin already exposed and my identity already revealed, I wonder whether its worth taking the risk and just taking everything out in the open. Am yet to answer that question and depending with the answer I shall give my self, then shall that be where I will go.

I have decided to drop the offer of the job I was offered by moha, and I will be giving him a call any time from now to tell him my decision. I don't know how I feel right now about all of this, since there are so many emotions running within me right now that I don't even know what to call them.

The job offer was lucrative considering I will be earning more that what am getting here, but after searching my self for quite a while, I discovered its not all about the money, I know money is good and an important consideration (if it wasn't how would we buy food or the clothes that we like) but the thought of going to work because of the money doesn't really move me. I can't say am confident enough to say I know what am doing or the decision I have made is the right one, I just pray God will intervene in all of this and I will see His had prevail in all of it. I talked to Grace (will refer to her as saleslady) about this and I can tell you I made up my mind after hearing what she had to say (the lady talked and I looked at her and wondered where have you been all this time girl!).

At the end of the day I learnt its not what we become that matters, its what God becomes in us that matters. I don't want to be driven by my own desires anymore, neither do I want to respond to stuff the way everyone else seems to respond to them (Trust me I have been doing like this and I can promise that it hasn't brought me far). I want to go back to the word and to live my life in accordance to God's word and will in my life and my prayer is that His will, plan and purpose takes center stage and becomes fulfilled at the end.

Today is bureauguy's birthday, wished him well (we haven't been speaking to one another for quite a while) and even gave him some biscuits. Am still thinking whether I should go and buy him a card, but as I still thinking about it. Talked to smartkid as well, I had brought him the gift I had promised him before I banished him from my sight but he turned it down since according to him "It wasn't what he wanted". I don't know how to respond to all of this but I got hurt by what he said and I don't know whether I should bring him another one.

Talking of friends, yesterday I passed by theartist's place, fixed for him the computer and discovered that the keyboard was the probelm all this time. I don't know why I did it but I guess I wanted a gift for smartkid (which he later refused) and in the process I knew he couldn't refuse to sell them to me (a wicked mind). But am yet to see where all this leads to.

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