My Life in Simple Words
My account as I journey through Life
My Life In Simple Words <$BlogRSDURL$>

Monday, November 29, 2004

I hate smartkid so much for playing with my heart and making me feel like a fool and making me realize all this time I was pretending it was over but actually I was just lying to myself.

I ask myself why I let them play with me like this and what is it that they have, that makes me not to want to get ride of them from my heart and mind and what power is this that makes them have a hold over me.

I hate myself for this and I blame myself as well for what is happening right now. Because if I was wise enough in the beginning all this couldn't have happened.

I have wasted so much time trying to fight them, please them, make them notice me, make them atleast show how they feel about me but all this time, I have been "giving pigs pearl earlings". And I realized this today when they said something that cut me down to the marrow. I wish you only know the things I have done, had to do and wanted to do to make them atleast say those words I have always wanted to hear.

Gosh I don't know how long this will continue, I don't know how long I will continue to hurt myself, waste time, do the things I do and torment myself through all this. But I know this has to stop and has to stop fast. For am hurting and am hurting badly.

It seems the more I try to fight this, the more I get hurt and fall deeper into the abyss of despair. God I really need to get out of this but I don't know how.

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