My Life in Simple Words
My account as I journey through Life
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Wednesday, December 08, 2004

My days so far

Gosh! I don't know even where to being this post or the words to use that will truthfully express how I feel and what am going through right now.

The day started off on an overwhelming (sp.) note, first with my computer refusing to boot properly last night (just because of someone else's carelessness) and having to spend the better half of my morning troubleshooting it. Well so far I have not managed to recover my data and the thought of losing the data makes me feel like crying.

A few minutes into the day, am informed that they want to renovate the classrooms! First of all they didn't tell me in advance, they have waited all this time until I have cleaned the computers before the do anything, and they want me to move the machines! Well all I can say is they can go to ****** and stay there if they want.

Had a 'heavy' and dull morning, asking myself so many questions regarding my life, where I was headed too and what I was doing as far as improving myself was concerned. But most of this questions I couldn't answer and this really scared me for it shows how 'lazy' and unfocussed I have become over the years.

It feels as if God is trying to tell me something, but when I think I have finally known what it is or have a distintive clue to what it is, I disappears. And this isn't the first time it has happened and am afraid it won't be the last.

I really want to see some change in my life,
change that proves to me that I have stagnated as I fear I might me.
Change that shows me that am still a live and not just acting in a 'movie'.
Change that shows am still breathing and not trying to catch my breath.
Change that tells me am still sailing and not sinking.
But the more I want this change, the more I ask myself whether am prepared for it.

Smartkid asked me a few days ago a very painful question, 'How long do I want to stay here?' and what made that question painful, is that I couldn't answer him and morever I couldn't myself.

Sud is back in my life again. And I can tell you there presence has been felt. There presence has brought back to the emotional rollacoaster I was in a few months back and I can already feel the speed.

And those are my days so far!

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