My Life in Simple Words
My account as I journey through Life
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Monday, January 10, 2005


Have you ever asked God and asked Him so hard, why certain things seem to be a frequent occurrence in your life and why is it that you have to undergo so much pain in order to get something going in your life?

Today I begged God to just tell me what is it that I have to learn and I will learn but please to take this cup away from me. For I don't think I have the strength any more to partake of that cup, all my energy and zeal to fight back is all gone.

For those who have been my faithful disciples, you will know that I have been harbouring a deep and wanton desire to go back to school; and I guess the lack of courage to do so and other issues I mentioned previously just made me not do that.

Well on Friday I received a phone call from the university admissions office that my application has finally gone through (I applied around april 2003) I can go and collect my admission forms. First of all I wasn't expecting that call but the most interesting thing is that I still hadn't even up hope of being admitted there (I has been my long time prayer that I go there since its nearer town and home).

I couldn't go there on that same day so I opted to go there today. I was so anxious on my way there to the extent that my stomach hurt. Got to the office (the front lady still remembered me) was given the forms told to fill in (now comes the shock) and be ready since classes begin the same day!

First of all, before I could submitt my forms I have to do a whole lot of other things like get an x-ray, bank statement and so many other things (all of which require money and extra make matters worse today I didn't carry my wallet..I was supposed to be at the office by 8.10 and now it was 9.02am...I didn't have the guts to go back home..).

Now what adds a twist to this story is the fact that:
I haven't informed my boss abou this and if I do he will tell why I hadn't given him a 6months notice,

I don't know where I will get the school fees from and this is why I was asking God why I usually have to go through this everytime I want to go to school.

I am torn in between filling this forms and committing my time and money to fulfilling all the requirements and in the end not go.

I don't know whether this is the right time or when is the right time and what is God's will concerning this.

I really desire to finish this school thing and move on with my life and at the same time it will bring about the change I have been craving for.

I don't know whom to turn to concerning school fees, Compassion turned a deaf yaer to my plea, home is the last place to go to and God....I don't even know what to say.

I never wanted it to start like this but at the back of my mind this are the few reason that made me fear taking the first step as far as my education was concerned.

On my way back I was feeling so down that I just wanted to sit down and cry. I have been asking God why, why me and this and what is it that He wants from me but all I get is me answering myself.

I feel so numb from all of this and I know tomorrow will be the same since I have decided to go ahead and fulfill my admission requirements.

Gosh I have never felt this desserted before....

Don't give up hope and praying whatever happens. It has been said that God does not give you isses that you cannot deal with. I know you will find a way out of this and will add you to my prayers. Be blessed, friend.
My dear, coz thats all I can think of to call u... Fear is the opposite of faith.. I know you may have heard that before.. The best thing about this is that your hearts desire is to go back to school and God's promise is to give you the desires of your heart. Most of the time God wants to teach you to trust him regardless, and the situation of not knowing what will happen puts you in a position where you have to trust God and only God for your very next breath. Been in that position Financially and he came through for me. If you don't learn to trust him you'll keep having such situations until you can just say Ok I trust you regardless of what my circumstance is.(I know I went round and round till I just accepted it) Look on it as an opportunity for God to prove himself for you and Rememeber to rejoice in all things... God's love and grace is sufficient..visit me
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